Mammas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Governors Part II

“Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.  I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”Ronald Reagan

“The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue.”–Emma Goldman

“POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice”.–Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

As some of you know, I posted an article about the three-year old who pitched a fit because he was too small to be governor of New Jersey. I said the kid need a firm talking to. What he really needed was a sanctioned-in-Iran-style pants whuppin’.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not usually a proponent of capital punishment, but sometimes it might be advisable: When the kid wants to see if baby sister can fly out the ten-story window. Or a game of Operation gone terribly wrong with the family cat. If your kid tells you she wants to be President some day, that’s right mammas,  she needs a good smack to her butt.

Seriously, what kind of asshole (except for the rich kind) would encourage his or her child to become a politician? We don’t encourage kids to lie, nor do we encourage them to steal and, certainly, there aren’t many parents who see a bright future for their children in prostitution. Yet, some parents look fondly at their kids and tell them, “Some day you could become the President.” I say, “No you can’t, not unless you’re a lying, thieving whore.”

Strom Thurmond

BTW when I use the the word prostitute or whore, I am not referring to my friends in the sex industry. They provide a valuable service and they work for a living.

Politicians neither provide their constituents a service nor do they do much work. I can’t imagine what kind of vile, nasty, slime-slathering acts they have to perform for their corporate masters, but that’s the reason I do my damnedest to discourage kids from running for office.

It is also unfair to compare politicians to real prostitutes, who, for the most part, have limited careers. Unlike prostitutes, politicians make more dough the older and uglier they get.

Of course we have seen politicians as the epitome of human depravity since the beginning of recorded history: “Under every stone lurks a politician.”–Aristophanes (c.450 – c.385 BC).

It’s time to call politicians what they are: stupid, or crooks or stupid crooks. It’s time to sing songs to remind ourselves that we truly don’t need them.

Please enjoy the video by my friend, Marissa Spoer. Rizzy fronts the band, Out of Spite. Check out their MySpace page. They perform all over the San Francisco Bay Area and recently returned from a tour of the Northwest. Thanks Marissa.

In retrospect I don’t think mammas should even encourage their babies to be doctors and lawyers, but that’s another topic.

This song is dedicated to Scott Walker.

Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Governors

Governors ain’t easy to love and they’re harder to hold.
They’d rather give you a speech than diamonds or gold.
Bribes for bank bailouts and old jaded theories,
And each night begins a new day.
If you don’t understand him, an’ he don’t die young,
He’ll prob’ly just run away.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be governors.
Don’t let ‘em kiss babies or grovel for bucks.
Let ‘em be doctors and lawyers and such.
Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be governors.
‘Cuz they’ll never stay home and they’re always alone.
Even with someone they love.

Governors like smokey old back rooms and terrorist warnings,
Little warm payoffs  and interns and girls of the night.
Them that don’t know him won’t like him and them that do,
Sometimes won’t know how to buy him.
Always wrong, he’s just different but his pride will make him,
Say things to make you think he’s right.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be governors.
Don’t let ‘em kiss babies or grovel for bucks.
Let ‘em be doctors and lawyers and such.
Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be governors.
‘Cuz they’ll never stay home and they’re always alone.
Even with someone they love.

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