Tweet This At Your Own Risk, The National Operations Center is Watching

Breaking news:

It really isn’t breaking news that the the Security State wants to read our Tweets and emails and monitor all of our electronic communication, but the fact that “breaking news” is on “list of terms that will be used by the NOC when monitoring social media sites to provide situational awareness,” demonstrates the pervasive scope of the surveillance.

A January 6, 2012 “Privacy Impact Assessment for the Office of Operations Coordination and Planning” ” lists those terms, the ubiquity of which are astounding. There are 372 terms on the list including ice, San Diego, storm and snow. So if you’re emailing your mom about a freak (and don’t spell it phreak, because that’s on the list too) ice storm in San Diego that dropped a foot of snow, you’ll be on some list somewhere.

The sheer length of the list (“new search terms may be added”) and its plethora of terms commonly used on a daily basis shows how ineffective it will be to tack down so-called terrorists. Essentially everyone will be monitored and few extremists will be discovered.

Is this a plot to snare anyone visiting Tijuana or using drugs (remember, the list doesn’t distinguish “illegal” drugs except for the nasty no-nos like marijuana.)? An anti-fitness campaign targeting anyone who goes to to a gym to exercise? A conscious law enforcement plot?

As the adage goes, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” This list is more likely some half-baked idea dreamed up by overpaid,  security bureaucrats, wannabe cops–fucktards (put that on the list) suffering from what a friend of mine calls dingbat paranoia. The operative mindset of dingbat paranoia is, “Anything is possible.” Indeed that may be true, but one cannot live ones life in a Hazmat suit.

Of course the effect of dingbat paranoia is the notion that anyone could be a terrorist. A cost-mitigation approach to the prevention of terrorism might be to just put everybody on the list.  Or just include the terms “and”, “I”, “we”, “apple pie”, “mother”, “father”, “sister”, “brother”. Oh yeah, but then the security masters of the universe would not be able to ascertain who is shooting up heroin during a twister.

Let’s see who might be worth monitoring:

Marty Robbins: “Down in the West Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl.”

Mark Twain: “Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.”

Dorothy: “Dear Aunt Em, The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch. It was  tornado, a twister and now I’m stranded in Munchkinland (should be on the list).”

Wyatt Earp: “It was an incident, a gunfight, a shootout at the OK Corral.”

Dr. Gonzo (Hunter Thompson allegedly based the character on Oscar Zeta Acosta, a real-life Chicano activist with a name exotic enough that it could be on this list):  “Hey honkies, goddamnit, I’m serious, I want to sell you some pure fuckin’ smack! Cheap heroin. This is the real stuff, you won’t get hooked! Shoot! Fuck! Scag! Blood! Heroin! Cheap! Communist! (would have been on the list 40 years ago.) Jab it right into your fucking eyeballs!”

Shakespeare:

“Hamlet:  A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.
Claudius:  What dost thou mean by this?
Hamlet:  Nothing but to show you how a king may go a progress through the guts of a beggar.”

Ponder that, Security Fucktard (Go ahead put it on the fucking list!)

You get the drift. I left out the hypothetical email from nervous father changing his first diaper (emergency, Hazmat, toxic, etc.), Homer/condom references (Trojan) and anything that might be attributed to an goddamned anarchist. The point is that there are millions of emails and tweets sent at this very moment that, according the NOC, merit its attention. It’s bullshit, it’s expensive and it’s ineffective, just like most of the programs of the Security State.

I have decided, therefore, to use this disclaimer on all my emails:

To the NOC, CIA, DHS or any other swine reading this without my permission: You are the hackers. You are the terrorists. You are the confickers, scammers. spammers and worms. You hold the world hostage with your home grown extremism. You are the drug, the virus, the infection that bleeds our resources and any true security we may have. You are wasting your time and my fucking money. Jab that into your fucking eyeballs.

I included the NOC list of terms here. You can print it and cut out each term, toss them in a hat and pick them out at random to create Dadaist (would have been on the list 100 years ago) poetry.

Send your poems, disclaimers and other hypothetical emails  to roy@wheresmyfuckingmoney.com. I’d love to post them if you think that would help you stay off the terrorist list.

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